Silence of the vans

Hapless romantics feeling alive

Crawling through tailbacks on the M25

Dire straits playing through the tunnel of love

Tin roof playing the rain above

Our friends all drive beamers

Have good pensions and are stable,

But miss the joy of a mug of tea upon a wobbly table

Doesn’t this story make you feel fine

Cuddling in a tin box is divine

But come a little closer and cosey on up

To hear a secret about camper van love

Our friends all drive beamers

Have good pensions and are stable,

But miss the joy of a mug of tea upon a wobbly table

Now when the rain pours and the wind howls

And you’re spooked by the hooting of a soggy owl

Do not fear, but instead feel free

And sink into the pleasure of a wild night wee

Our friends all drive beamers

Have good pensions and are all stable,

But miss the joy of a mug of tea upon a wobbly table

Contraflows hold no fear 

Nor the rain above 

When the M25 comes alive with camper van love 

Boris and Donald in hot water

The special relationship amounts to nowt

With two blonde bombshells twatting about

Johnson and Trump leading the “free”

In a bungling, post-truth idiocracy

Goldfinger and oddjob commanding the scene

Cheating on the fairway, dreaming madcap schemes

Insecure little lads and their selfish games

As the planet warms up and we mumble – “shame”

Our new PM

In the Tory leadership election

Boris de pfeffel beat Jeremy Hunt 

And though many haven’t a good word for him

I have… struggled to know how to finish this one

A limerick for Spike

The years overtake your legs, and lungs,

Your ears and eyes and bladder,

But hopefully spare what’s between your ears

Though you’ll seem a little madder